Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
