After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
