Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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