I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
