the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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