Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
