high people should be assigned attendants
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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