the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
