I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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