Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize