if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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