I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
