No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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