kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
