You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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