Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
