i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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