So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
