Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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