I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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