Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
