I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
