She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
