Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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