when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
