3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
