You work out of a Hotel?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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