beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
