Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
