I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
