it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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