you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
