I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He shit in the fireplace
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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