My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
