It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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