I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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