ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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