It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
