Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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