and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
