Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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