yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
