Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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