Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
