I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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