paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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