apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
