evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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