I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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