I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
