Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
