So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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