yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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