He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
