My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
