she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
