i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize