dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I faked an abortion last night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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