I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
