You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
