walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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