using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
