i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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