Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
