dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
