tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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