I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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