4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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