I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
