Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
