im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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