Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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