Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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