I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
