I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
