sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
