Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can text with my tongue
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
