Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize