No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
