Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
