I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
