It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
