yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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