I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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