In America we eat man semen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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