last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
