her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
