the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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