hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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