Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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