I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
