And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
should my penis look like a turkey
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize