2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
