is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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