apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Still dying that you shit outside
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
