i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
