I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
