Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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