I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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